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"All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent."


Thomas Jefferson

How to Have Constructive Conversations

We must be willing to 'talk about it'

Everyone in our democracy must be able to speak their minds about public issues. Speaking up needs to be safe, responsible, respectful and free.  This includes airing differences, supplying facts, and explaining opinions and options.   


Even in conversations with people with whom we seem to agree, it’s important to air differences. This can be challenging yet it’s worth it because we can learn from each other. 


Conversations with others who have very different perspectives, or whose views seem to be underinformed or based on inaccurate information or different values can be much harder. 

Basic Guidelines:

  • Be curious and listen to understand.
  • Show respect and suspend judgment. 
  • Note any common ground as well as any differences. 
  • Be authentic and welcome that from others. 
  • Be purposeful and to the point. 
  • Own and guide the conversation. 

How can we effectively navigate these varied circumstances? Here are five suggestions:

1.  It’s good to have a goal. You might want to learn about others’ perspectives and to how they came to them.  You might want to express your own views and be taken seriously. It’s best to be civil and constructive. If there’s a downward spiral, it’s OK to take a time out.


2.  Establish a personal connection. Tell stories from your life and ask about theirs; look for common themes.  Ask, “I wonder…?”  or “I’m curious about…”   Note opportunities to bond and connect over shared experiences and interests. You also show respect when you ask: “What am I missing on this topic?  How can I learn something more about this?”


3.  When something you disagree about comes up, you might ask: How did you develop that viewpoint? What is your source of information?  What experiences shape your opinion?  Focus on personal stories, looking for areas you have in common.  You might talk about values (e.g., caring, fairness, freedom, equality before the law, honesty, etc.).  Or you might explore for overlaps on specific situations.  In what circumstances might one value take precedence?  Why?  We have a lot to learn from each other.


4.  Another approach is to get down to brass tacks and ask about democracy. Taking a suggestion from the book, How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide, by Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay, you might pose a simple poll to them: on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “I have no concerns about American democracy at all” and 10 being “American democracy is at the most serious risk in its history,” what number would you choose?  Why?  What might cause you to change your mind?  There could be genuine curiosity about their explanations without having to agree with their viewpoints.


5.  Find ways to work together on a project of mutual interest.  Schools? Performing Arts? Open Space? Fire Safety? This can demonstrate that democracy  (e.g., disagreeing respectfully, setting rules and establishing fair processes, listening actively, etc.) can all help to produce wiser, fairer, more lasting, and more efficient outcomes.

Don't Coerce. Listen First!

Beyond Conflict Institute reports “people perceive that the other side disagrees with them far more than is actually the case.”


So let's find the courage to

GET CURIOUS! 

ASK QUESTIONS! 

LISTEN TO LEARN!

LOOK FOR COMMON GROUND!

We can always agree to disagree. 

If things get heated, take a break!


Check out these articles for more: 

Are we really as divided as we think? How dark forces are attempting to alienate us from our neighbours, The Toronto Star, April 25, 2023 by Frank Giustra

Yes, It’s Possible to (Gracefully) Talk Politics at Work, Harvard Business Review, October 30, 2020 by Raina Brands

Keeping It Civil: How To Talk Politics Without Letting Things Turn Ugly, NPR, April 12, 2019 by Caroline Kelly


Visit Our Messaging Guide for More!

To Muffle MAGA Converse Carefully

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Use Words That Win The 3V Framework

Muffling MAGA's Megaphone is a two-step process:

Don't amplify MAGA messages.

Amplify ONLY Pro-Democracy messages! 

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Use Words That Win The 3V Framework

Use Words That Win The 3V Framework

Use Words That Win The 3V Framework

An effective message leads with a shared VALUE, identifies the VILLAIN standing in the way, and ends with a VISION for a better future.   

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The Art and Science of Persuasion

Use Words That Win The 3V Framework

The Art and Science of Persuasion

 Galvanize Action's Persuasion Handbook and interactive worksheet can help us customize political messages for specific voters. 

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Organizations Bridging the Divide

LRC connects people across divides – politics, age, gender, race, nationality, and more – through guided conversations proven to build understanding and transform communities. 

IPV is just getting started with Living Room Conversations. If you are interested in joining us for a conversation, please contact us. Donations to Living Room Conversations are 501(c)3 tax deductible.  

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Sibling Cities USA facilitates cross-regional pairings of US cities to build deep relationships. IPV member, Bob Barrett, participated in the historic inaugural sibling cities pairing of Palo Alto, California and Bloomington, Indiana. 

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Braver Angels is leading the nation’s largest cross-partisan, volunteer-led movement to bridge the political divide. Through community gatherings, real debates, and grassroots leaders working together, we’re offering America what it needs to overcome the bitterness of our partisan divide. Donations to Braver Angels are 501(c)3 tax deductible

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Our story begins in 2016 with two groups starting independently of one another — on opposite coasts of the United States. Coincidentally, both founders chose the same name “Crossing Party Lines.” Their shared vision led them to create a volunteer platform to unite Americans through warm and engaging conversations. Prompted by a time of unprecedented political polarization, these two visionaries, their energetic team of volunteers, and over 3,000 CPLs members are uniting America one conversation at a time. Donations to Crossing Party Lines, Inc. are 501(c)3 tax deductible. 

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Based on decades of research from Columbia University Professor and Starts With Us Expert-in-Residence Peter T. Coleman, Ph.D., the Finding The Way Out Challenge is designed to help shape new habits and norms for political tolerance and courageous compassion. Think of it as a personalized boot camp for building a healthier national culture and repairing broken relationships across differences.

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IPV's 2024 Election Guides - Democracy is on the Ballot!

  • Vote Harris! Vote Blue!
  • Converse Constructively!
  • Use Words that Win!
  • Learn How the Economy Does Better Under Democrats! 
  • Compare Dems v MAGA
  • Reach Persuadable Voters

  • Defeat Trump's Agenda 47 
  • Defeat Project 2025
  • Reject Authoritarianism
  • Heed Warnings About Trump
  • Debunk GOP Myths with Truth
  • Combat Disinformation
  • Share Informative Video Clips


  • Discourage Third Party Votes 
  • Recognize Christian Nationalism as a threat to our democracy
  • Take Trump's Threats Seriously -  How threats of political violence impact our elections & governance
  • Take a break with SATIRE MEDICINE

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